Monday, January 6, 2014

Rock of Ages (everything 80s jammed in 123 min)

This movie was...well I'm not sure yet. I saw it opening weekend and I'm still conflicted about my opinion. I love the whole movie, but not exactly as a fan of movies. Do you know what I mean? I'm a fan of the 80s (thank you mom and dad), but as a movie this wasn't what I expected. The story was a little lacking and the music wasn't as spectacular as I wanted it to be. Also I wasn't a fan of Tom Cruise in this movie at all. Like at all at all. I get the character was supposed to be that way, and I know the 80s were weird, but come on. Anyway, lets discuss the weirdness (totally a word) of this movie!


   So the plot...well I guess the whole movie is supposed to be an over exaggeration of the 80s so I can't be too hard on it, but I believe they took it a bit too far. Nebraska girl (or Oklahoma or Kansas...whatever) comes to the big city to sing and gets robbed in 5 minutes. Boy wonder gets her a shitty job and they fall in love...they both have a great month or 2 before some falling out which causes him to sell out musically and her to become a stripper (I'm cutting out the musical numbers)...either way, this is all well and good, but the way it's told...it's just too over the top. I can't really think of another good way to explain it so I'll just leave it at this: it's too damn 80s.

   The music could have been so much more fantastic than it was! It was the 80s, hello? Music and hair were like the two most important things back then! So why was the music lacking? I'm not really sure. I know they can only do so much because of copyright and all that nonsense, but I guess I just expected better. The mash-ups weren't that great and the rendition of Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing' was so-so. Again, Tom Cruise...ew. Tom Cruise pretending to sing? Double ew. Too much ew for me to even watch. Music overall: lacking severly for an 80s "musical".

   Now for Tom Cruise's dedicated bashing paragraph...just no. I mean he's a decent actor, but when it comes to this movie I see no reason for him to even have been mentioned ever. I wasn't a fan of the character though so there is that to consider...but who can like an over exaggerated 80s guy who's first appearance is him rising from a pile of naked women (all guys ever...that's who). He has a monkey follow him around too...was that Tom Cruise's idea? Perhaps not...but I shall blame him all the same. Tom Cruise the monkey was your fault.

  To wrap up all I can say is if you want a good laugh and you're a big 80s fan then watch this. If you prefer to watch movies to actually see something entertaining and slightly artistic...this is not your cup of tea. I'll admit I liked it on the level that I am a 20 year old who can laugh at bad jokes and gay acting (SPOILER ALERT: literally...just watch till the end...there's a gay scene). Overall I'd recommend it to older men with nothing better to do on a weeknight after work than grab a beer and laugh at the 80s. Oh and lastly, there are some golden eggs in the movie, old 80s rockers as cameos in crowds or as passers-by. Keep an eye out and...




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