An explanation (a recap of my social experiences)

I may not have many readers, but to those of you who like what you read, I'm sorry for my disappearance. I got a job. And a boyfriend. And a magical social life. I turned 19 and magically things started going my way. I have seen quite a few movies (The Hobbit, Dark Knight Rises, Wreck it Ralph, Gangster Squad, and a few more) but I'm usually too exhausted to rip them apart piece by piece on the internet. Hopefully I can slowly but surely write out some reviews, but no promises. I definitely won't have The Hobbit up for a while (mostly because I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan so it will be a particularly long article). So here's to hoping I get back in the habit of writing a new review each week. Until then here's a picture that you hopefully find as amusing as I do...

Fifty Shades of Grey (don't bite your lip)

    Well ladies, here it is. Fifty shades of Grey. The movie. Of course all we have to go on right now are rumors and media hype, but I'm prepared to sort through the facts and find out what I can. Technically I guess this wouldn't be a review, but it's some thoughts on a movie that will eventually come out...so I'm not venturing too far out of my territory here.

   So far the only confirmed rumor is that there will indeed be a movie. There have been so many names thrown around as to who will be cast as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, but as far as I can tell there are no set actors or actresses. Here's a list of the top six contenders according to several polls and websites for Mr. Grey...

1. Ian Somerhalder, 33. Mostly known for his performance as Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries or from his short appearance in Lost (he died in season 2 I believe?)

2. Henry Cavill, 29. His most recent notable role was Theseus in Immortals. 

3. Matt Bomer, 34. Stars on USA's show White Collar as a con man with sex appeal. Also plays Ken in Magic Mike (and might I say that the rumors about his sexuality being a problem for this role are completely ridiculous...the man is sexy even if he's gay)

4. Alexander Skarsgard, 35. Known mostly for his role as Eric Northman on True Blood, the vampire porn show on HBO (and that's not an insult...I like the show, but it basically is vampire porn)

5. Jessie Pavelka, 29. I really haven't heard of anything he's been in...so here's a link to his IMDB page

6. Shia LaBeouf, 26. He was in Holes. More recently though he played in Eagle Eye and did fairly well. 

   Well I guess this is going to turn into a big article on who the best Christian Grey might be, but I'm okay with that since that is what most people are interested in knowing about this movie...as stated those six men are the top picks by everyone so far (according to most of the sites I read). Other picks include Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum, and Joe Manganiello. As far as the actual casting goes, E.L. James tweeted "I am not making any comments on casting the movie. No one is ruled out or in yet - far too early." I will agree with her, it's way too early to tell anything about casting. However, with the rumors of the actors interested and the multitude of young suave actors who could be approached for the part I'm sure whoever is chosen will be a perfect Mr. Grey. 
   On a final note, my only real hopes for this movie are that they don't make it too Romeo-and-Juliet-esque and that the casting is done decently. I do apologize for this being solely about one topic, but hopefully I'll be able to write more when more information is available and I'm not looking at 2 AM (also I partly wrote this just to get something new out since I haven't posted in so long). Here's a teaser trailer that was recently released starring Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel as a thank you for putting up with my rambling about Christian Grey...Laters, baby ;)

Magic Mike (it's raining men!)

    Well ladies, they finally did it. They made a movie about male strippers. And they did it right. They picked the right actors, the story is good, and it's not just pointless sexy men the whole time (which is a bummer at some points). Overall this movie wasn't bad, and I'm not just saying that as a girl. Although I am mostly saying it as someone who likes original ideas, because lets face it Hollywood is just fresh out of anything good anymore. I don't believe I'll ever go to a theater again to watch a horror film because I have been so disappointed with all the recent ones...but that aside, this movie wasn't a re-gifted movie idea or a prequel or a 70-billionth sequel, or even a twisted obnoxious movie version of a novel! I was honestly just excited because of that fact...or maybe the half naked attractive men dancing on the screen? Eh.

   Honestly, this movie had no raw beauty to it, it wasn't shot too well, and there were no specific scenes that stand out in an innovative or creative stand point. However that was not this movies purpose at all. It served its purpose very well...make women feel all warm and tingly in unmentionable places. Two things I can praise however are casting and choreography. Bravo.

   Casting was done by Carmen Cuba and may I say again, bravo? I wish I could hug you. Seriously. I may not have found all the guys attractive, but out of the 7 guys I liked 5. Channing Tatum being my favorite...but he already knew what he was doing up there didn't he? ;)

My favorite scene (of course you don't see Matthew, and the only guys chest you get to see is the least buff...the scene as a whole is good though. I promise)

I won't go into immense detail about casting, because if you want to see this movie you should know these very attractive men...I must say, the two that surprised me the most were Joe Manganiello (Big Dick Richie) and Matt Bomer (Ken). These were my second favorite boys next to Mr. Tatum and his fine moving hips...mostly because I was completely unaware they could move like that! Now I'll admit, Kevin Nash is decent for his age and all, but he wasn't right for this movie. He didn't know the moves and it showed in some scenes. I didn't exactly like Alex Pettyfer either because he wasn't muscular or even that toned...and that seems shallow to say, but when the basis of your movie is hot male strippers the actors you pick should have three major qualities: they can act, they're hot and muscular, and they can do a strip tease (or be able to).

   This movie has a decent plot as well. Not an Oscar winner by any means, but it's not just half-naked guys dancing around for an hour and a half. There's a story to it...a somewhat sad story with an iffy, somewhat muddled ending, but still...a decent story. You couldn't expect anything amazing in that department. Basically Magic Mike starts tutoring this guy named Adam (nicknamed The Kid) and as Mike realizes he wants out of the business (a tragic loss to the world of male stripping...so tragic) Adam spirals deeper in. I'll leave it at that.

   There isn't much else to say about this movie. If you're a female (or a gay man...btw Matt Bomer is gay) with estrogen in your body and hormones raging everywhere you'll love this movie more than anything. Seriously, MALE STRIPPERS. That should be enough to get you excited. If you are any other person on the planet you probably would not like this movie very much. So men, I'm sorry if your wife/girlfriend/significant other drags you to this movie...just be happy she's happy, watching this with her could very well get you sex later. Ladies just remember...these gentlemen can be the husband that you never had, the dream boat guy that never came along, they can be the one night stand that you get to have tonight with them on stage (or movie screen).

It may not be all of them, but it sure is the best of them ;)

Repo! The Genetic Opera (Surgery, surgery!)

   Repo! The Genetic Opera is much like an amazing never ending rock music video. Now the only other opera I have ever seen was something that was in Italian with subtitles when I was 12 years old and personally I loved it, but compared to that this completely blew my mind! However I'm not sure if I should review this like a movie or an opera...I'm gonna go movie so that I can at least pretend to know what I'm talking about. There are a lot of great aspects about this film due to the fact that it's produced by the same producers as Saw as well as the fact that it may as well be an amazing Gothic Rock music video. The lighting is good, the cinematography is good, and the music is better than anything else in this movie.
   Like I said before this is like a cool rock music video, so I'll start with the lighting, effects, and cinematography. All of these are fantastic, there are scenes were guts are spilling everywhere and you can't tell they're fake! Plus the city is supposed to be a post-apocalyptic town built on top of the dead and it looks just like it and gives off the vibe. The camera angles and the way it's shot are perfect for all the moods it tries to give off (mostly grim, but that is the tone of a tragic opera). My favorite scene that portrays all of these is when Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman) shows up at Shilo's (Alexa Vega) house and sings Chase the Morning to Shilo. Her eyes project memories of Marni (Sarah Power) who is Shilo's mother. The lights shine on Blind Mag in the foyer while Shilo watches from the stairs. She seems like an angel as she gives Shilo the only bit of advice any mother figure has ever given her. It's a dramatic and perfectly executed scene.

   The plot is of course amazing. If you saw the movie Repo Men (2010) then you know the very loose basis of the plot. There was a serious disease and a company offering organ implants saved all, but at a price. They were able to reposses the organs if you couldn't pay. However, Repo! The Genetic Opera focuses on a young girl named Shilo whose father is Repo Man due to some very unfortunate circumstances after his wifes death. I won't go into much more detail, but I will say that it's got a good twist and it keeps your attention.

   The acting is also very good, my personal favorite being the Graverobber (Terrance Zdunich). He acts almost as a narrator throughout the opera and is fantastic in his role. Also, I love his voice! All the other actors and actresses are amazing as well, even Paris Hilton. Her singing really isn't as awful as you'd think. I have to give the biggest credit to Alexa Vega, Anthony Head, and Sarah Brightman. They did great and were greatly believable in their roles. I had no clue the first two could sing so well.

   I strongly believe you should see this movie if you like rock music, can stomach a little gore, and don't have strong views against violence in films. There's a little bit about drugs (fictional drugs, but still) and some skimpy outfits (plus a little nudity). Also there is a lot of surgery and blood, so personally I don't recommend this for kids under 13, but that's up to their parents. I thouroughly enjoyed this film, and hope that you do as well. Just pray the Repo Man doesn't come knocking at your door.

The Human Centipede 2 (psychological fuckery)

   Dear God what can any human being say about this film? And yes, you have to call it a film because (unlike the first film in this series) it wasn't just made for the shock factor. While this film thoroughly disgusted me it was also very well played out and well...it was actually good. If you didn't see the first one then you don't know how pointless and awful it was. Quite honestly the only reason it gained any popularity was due to the fact that tosh.0 featured his own commentary and it was about people being sewn together...so yeah. The whole point was the shock factor. However, this film took it to a whole new level of shock factor and a good plot. This movie shocked me, repulsed me, intrigued me, and made me want to vomit at the same time. 

   The plot of this movie actually made sense and was fully explained, which compared to the first one was a shock. The first doesn't explain why the Doctor is fascinated with sewing people together and create a human centipede, while this fully explains Martin's obsession with creating a 12 person centipede. That's all I can say about the plot because the rest simply made me want to puke. 

   I know it is twisted to say this, but this movie was good. It was very psychological and it completely mind fucks you. This movie is definitely not for the feint of heart. It is a complete mind fuck that is twisted in so many ways that it actually manages to be good (in a very twisted sense of the word). The shots in this movie are good, the lighting is good, and the background noise (almost like a soundtrack) is also good. The leading actor Laurence Harvey is amazing at this role which quite honestly scares me a little bit... but in short I think you should watch this film if you want to throw up or if you can stomach all of the disgusting butchery to see the twisted vision that is this film. 

Seriously, this is a warning now...if you watch this film (even though it is in black and white) there is blood, murder, cutting, sawing, hacking, sewing, babies dying, and it shows it all. GRAPHICALLY. Watch at your own risk.

Dirty Dancing (the time of my life)

   Yeah, I'm reveiwing another total chick-flick. I apologize in advance for being so feminine, but even guys have to admit this movie does not entirely suck. It has good acting, a decent plot, good music (for it's time), and Patrick Swayze. This movie has no special qualities or innovative filming techniques, however it is a classic romantic movie that helped pave the way for the good-girl falls for bad-boy motif. To add to that it has some really good scenes (and by 'really good' I mean really cute) like the water scene where Johnny is teaching Baby how to do the lift. The cherry on top of this cute, girly cake is Patrick Swayze. He is quite theh eye candy and the way he moves his hips at some points is just drool worthy.
   Lets start with the acting; all the parts are well executed and well cast. Jennifer Grey plays the perfect girl next door who is searching for something more (I did not intentionally rhyme that) and Patrick Swayze plays the perfect bad boy dancer struggling to make it through. I can't gush about the acting because, while it is good, it has the same curse every 80s movie is plagued with: over acting. It's just my opinion, but they all seem like the actors and acctresses put a lot of effort into acting (some more than others). In some cases it makes the movie bad, or even funny, but this is not one of those cases. It's not over the top, just in the more emotional scenes, so it's reasonable and doesn't ruin the movie.
   The plot of the movie is really simple and romantic. It's the summer of 1963 and Baby Houseman (Jennfier Grey) goes to a summer getaway resort with her family. She has no interest in all the rich family activities and while walking stumbles upon the staff party house where they're dancing...well dirty. In short she ends up trying to help some of them out and winds up taking dancing lessons with Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze). As the movie goes along you see their relationship and love for one another grow. So clearly this isn't a movie you watch with the boyfriend. To me this isn't a movie you watch curled up alone with ice cream, it's a movie you watch with your chick friends (if they like these kinda movies).
   The only things I can gush about in this movie are the romantic scenes, the soudtrack, and Patrick Swayze, so here it goes: The romantic scenes are plenty, and they aren't so much romantic as much as cute. Baby's homey character makes them innocent and sweet instead of sexy and passionate. Don't mistake that for me saying the movie is just cute because that is completely balanced with Johnny's 'I'm-a-badass' attitude. There are sweet scenes like the lift scene in the water, where Johnny is teaching Baby the lift for the performance (below).

 There is also the final dance scene to the song 'The Time of my life' that is just amazing in my opinion. However my favorite is when Johnny comes back (you'll have to watch the movie to know exactly what that means) and finds Baby and her family, looks her father right in the eye and says, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." There are lots of other scenes that you just have to watch to see.
   I'm going to cover Patricck Swayze and the soundtrack in one paragraph to sum this all up. The soundtrack is great for it's time with sweet songs, sexy songs, and of course great dance songs. I want a copy of the soundtrack before I want a copy of the DVD itself. My last highlight of this film is Patrick Swayze. He's hot, he's muscular, and he can move his hips. And I'm sorry, but a man that can move hips just melts me, haha. The video below is a perfect example of his sexy hips (you have to wait till about 1:48 until his entry though).

The Woman in Black (umm...horror?)

     Why hello there! It's been a while, which I apologize for. I was busy with graduation and a social life now that school is no longer in session. Back to film!!! One of the numerous movies that I've viewed since my last entry is The Woman in Black. This movie should have been categorized as a bad psychological horror. I can not even write that much about this because there truly is not much to say. It's difficult to write critiques of horror films anyway, but if they aren't even good you just have nothing to say, so I'll wrap this up quick.

    First of all the plot. Let's just rip that to pieces shall we? Here is the chemical equation of a good plot line for a horror movie (as thought up by me):

• Start of film: Possible puzzling or unexplained death (that usually makes you afraid right off the bat)/ Main character(s) introduction.
• Next: The main character(s) either moves/vacations/visits a new town, or moves back to a hometown where more creepy things happen that the viewer still may not understand.
• Middle: The creepy shit is explained and still occuring or popping out randomly while the main character(s) scramble to figure out how to kill/destroy/subdue/put to rest whatever evil plagues them.
• End of film: You are now expecting 90% of the scary parts and the main character(s) have discovered and set up a way to dispose of whatever scary evil is plaguing them which in most horror films they accomplish (a few will throw you for a loop and kill everyone letting you believe the villian wins).

    This is your standard plot equation, which this movie did not follow. And even though breaking from this equation could end well for some horror films, this one was not one of them. I had no idea why kids were randomly dying, why people were freaking out about the house Daniel Radcliffe's character stayed in, or why anything was actually happening until almost the end of the movie. Even then it's really not explained well by any means. The plot as a whole barely explains the reason for the haunting and (SPOILER ALERT) Daniel Radcliffe and his son (yeah, he plays a dad...I'll get to that in a moment) DIE. And they're shown after death in whatever afterlife they go to. I can deal with main characters dying, but not in the way they did, or for the reason they died. And the whole ghost him and his son scene was pointless and awful. I much rather would have seen them smooshed by the train (terrible I know, but the movie is really THAT bad).

    Let's move on to acting and the roles. I'd love to meet the complete moron that made Harry Potter into a widower with a four year old kid? He's not that much older than I am for crying out loud!!!! The only role I feel that he filled well in that movie was father, and I later discovered the boy playing his son in the film is his real life godson which explains that. In my opinion he didn't fit the part (and not just because he's HP, he just couldn't do it right). None of the actors were spectatular, except maybe the dhildren actors and the crazy woman (Daily's wife). So kudos to you few folks.

    There isn't anything else I can say about this besides the fact that I do NOT recommend seeing it. Maybe if you're looking for a few jumps (but if you really want that go watch one of the Paranormal Activity movies).

During afternoon tea, there’s a shift in the air.
A bone-trembling chill that tells you she’s there.
There are those who believe the whole town is cursed.
But the house in the marsh is by far the worst.
What she wants is unknown, but she always comes back.
The specter of darkness, the Woman in Black.

(Just saying, this wasn't in the movie either...)